I'm soooooo bored...

I don't know what I want to write about but I also don't know what I want to do in general. I've run out of ideas for Jerry for now, maybe because I don't currently have a burning desire to write about him.

Well, I guess I could talk about what I like and that kinda stuff but it's so generic and, honestly, I find it boring to write about myself. I don't think I'm a very interesting person, probably because I've had to deal with myself on a daily basis. I like reading about what others are interested in and what their hobbies are, but I'd hate myself if I wrote about what I like. Okay, maybe not hate, but I'd definitely feel some form of dislike towards myself. Whenever I try to write about what makes me "interesting" or just Eric, I have to force myself to do so because I don't really care about what I like and it gets really boring.

I don't know if others feel the same way, but I think it's just because I know what I like and I've dealt with it for a long time. The stuff I do just doesn't really excite me that much anymore. That and I'm pretty sure that anything I do is crap compared to others that I know.

I could talk about how I play piano, but I've met tons of people who are better than me at piano. I guess I could write about the boring experience I had one time where I had to wait for 30 minutes so a judge could tell me I didn't beat some girl who plans to major in music and supposedly practices hours a day. But is that really interesting? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy playing the piano, but I just don't think I can write about my experiences in a way that doesn't appear to be as boring as watching paint dry. Yeah, sure there are tons of pieces on the piano that sound really cool and stuff, but most of it is really tough to learn. It's also time consuming, and I just don't have the time to do that kinda stuff anymore. Maybe after I'm done worrying about colleges, standardized tests, and schoolwork...

Yeah, actually I've changed my mind. I think I'll just continue and give some of my experiences playing the piano. Sorry if this bores you guys.

So, I started playing piano when I was about five. All because I watched a lot of T.V. and saw that the cartoon characters could play so effortlessly. I wasn't even watching a T.V. show, it was just one of those transition stuff where there was a bunch of Disney characters jumping around and playing and stuff. Unfortunately, Aladdin was playing the piano, and my parents saw that. They then asked me if I wanted to learn the piano. I said yes. Man, what a sucker. So my parents got me a teacher and I just played piano leisurely. Except not. I learned that my mom had been a piano teacher before so she made sure that I actually practiced. Did it suck? Yes. I didn't like being forced to play piano. It's like how when most kids are told by their parents to do something, like cleaning their room, they're less likely to do it.

Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to quit. So I pretty much had a love/hate relationship with the piano. Sometimes I'd play a piece I really liked and sometimes I just didn't want to have to play. my memory gets really fuzzy later on so somewhere between when I first started playing piano and today, I found enough motivation to not detest the piano. Weird. Aw well...maybe if I can remember more I'll make another post about that.

So yeah, sorry if this post rambles more than normal. It's just what happens when I'm bored. I guess I'm not bored anymore though...

All hail Jerry.

Gahhhhhhhhhhhh

The title sums up my feelings concisely. I don't know why, but I get frustrated really easily. It can be from not understanding how to do a single problem on a physics worksheet or from talking to certain people. Either way, I'll get angry quickly.

It used to be worse when I was younger. I'd get frustrated over video games or reading a boring book and just refuse to do anything. It didn't help that I was (and still am) a pretty aggressive person, though I've gotten a lot better. I don't understand why I get so angry, but I do.

I also get stressed out really easily, which then can lead to me getting angry. So, to try to avoid this, I've been trying to get myself more time to relax and not worry about anything. Unfortunately, I haven't had much time recently so it's hard for me to make time to just relax. Part of it is just that the quarter is ending, college apps are due in about 2 weeks, and studying for standardized tests. Though it probably doesn't help that I also overstress myself when it comes to any kind of test or essay.

Whatever, moving on. Having a cold really sucks. My nose gets stuffy, I cough a ton, and I'm constantly cold. The biggest problem I have with me having a cold is that I really hate to miss school. So pretty much, I bring a lot of pain and annoyance on myself. I try constantly to go to school because I have having to catch up on work. As a result, this probably makes me feel a bit worse. The worst part is that I still have to take an ACT this month so I'm sick at one of the worst possible times (the others being finals period and times when heading out for a vacation). I've had a couple friends tell me to just take a day off but I'm too stubborn to. I have a really stupid rule I've set for myself, "If I can still move without a ton of discomfort, I can go to school." Maybe I'll finally stop being so stubborn one day, but for now, I'll just stay away from others.

I don't know...

So I just randomly decided to dedicate this post to the phrase I use the most, "I don't know." I just don't know (haha...) how I use this phrase so much. Maybe it's because, as an indecisive person, I like how this phrase adequately conveys how I feel/think.

However, this phrase has helped me as much as it's hurt me. When I answer a question with, "I don't know", I've always gotten two kinds of responses. The first one is that people just go, "Oh" or something and just let somebody else try to answer the question.

However, the second response, the one that's the bane of my existence, is "What do you mean you don't know?" Really? I mean, it's pretty straightforward. It means I don't comprehend one of two things: What the question is asking for, or what I think about a question. If I say, "I don't know" that means I'm not sure of what I'm thinking of and need to convey that I'm clueless. Now, being the jerk I am, I usually respond with, "That means I don't comprehend how to answer the question, I'm not sure of an answer, etc." It works, just not that well. I just don't like answering questions if I'm not completely sure on what to say. I hate sounding stupid, which is funny because I'm pretty sure that a lot of what comes out of my mouth sounds stupid.

I guess that makes Jerry the opposite of me in this sense. I almost never know how to answer a question, and Jerry always answers a question, no matter how stupid he sounds. Looking back on it, Jerry and I are really similar in some aspects, but in all other aspects we're practically opposites. He loves lollipops and I did too as a child. He sounds really stupid quite often when talking, so do I. He can always answer a question with absolute certainty, I can't. He always has an idea, I don't (which is a bit ironic considering all of his ideas technically come from me...)

Maybe I made Jerry as an Eric 2.0 (or at least, an Eric 1.25) so I could make him do what I want to do. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it. While this might sound really weird or creepy, I'm not sure what Jerry is thinking. Maybe I just have multiple personalities and Jerry is one of them. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if he was. Maybe I'm just insane, and I actually never created Jerry, he just took over my mind and body and made me do all of this stuff...

Okay yeah back on topic, I don't know what to say. Really. I never know what I'm going to write about until I'm about halfway done with an assignment, like an essay or a blog post. Sometimes, I like to think I'm like a Greco-Roman poet but worse. I need a kind of Muse, it doesn't matter from what, but I need one to write stories and blog posts. Maybe I'm just trying to give an excuse for why I'm really lazy if I'm not focused. I mean, I like to think that I don't procrastinate that much (relative to some of my friends) but I still do have some problems focusing occasionally.

Normally for writing an essay or something, I'll just plop myself in front of my computer and work for a few hours straight. Unfortunately, I'm not a good writer so I need to revise heavily, but still. I need to sit for hours on end because if I get up to take a break, I'll ruin my train of thought and won't be able to write again. To be fair, I'm sitting down right now focusing on this blog post and it's all over the place, so sorry for that.

When I was younger, I told myself I'd avoid saying, "I don't know." Unfortunately, that hasn't worked out too well for me...I've given up hoping I won't ever be an indecisive person. To those that go, "Oh that's really bad.", shut up. We can't all be leaders, and just because I'm not decisive doesn't mean I can't be a leader. I can make decisions when they're important, or when they affect me specifically. Maybe I'd rather be a follower, but is that so bad? Would leaders really be much without any followers?

So if you're also indecisive like me, yay! If you're not, good for you. Either way, we don't know how we'll end up so we can't really judge others based off one trait of their personality (I mean, we technically can and lots of us do it all the time, it's not a terrible thing, just a human thing).

In conclusion, I don't know, Jerry is my oppotical (opposite+identical) twlone (twin+clone) and I don't care about being a follower. All hail King Jerry I, Prince Jerry II, and Sir Jeremiah Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia Magnificence aka Jerry III.