Jerry is Life

So, I'm in the mood to talk more about Jerry. Now, there's nothing really much for me to say about Jerry currently, other than I did my best to try to make him immortal. I don't mean in the sense that he can't be killed. I've already killed him off before, so it's not that he can't be killed. I mean immortal in the sense that he won't be forgotten. By making Jerry appear as being so simple, I've (hopefully) made it easier to remember. If he can be remembered forever, he'll never really die, right?

However, there is one problem about Jerry. It's actually really tough to write about him. I mean, the way I've created him, I find it insanely difficult to write a story about him. I usually only write about him when it's for a poem or a short story. It's just something about how I see Jerry. Maybe it's because I have trouble thinking up a long and confusing journey for him. Maybe it's because I like writing about a quick misadventure, like what could happen when you try to sell hot chocolate in the middle of the summer on a beach.

Then again, I haven't ever really tried to write a long story about Jerry...who knows? Maybe I'll do that some day. It can be a bunch of his misadventures that are all loosely connected somehow.

Wait, I think I digressed a bit from what I wanted to say about Jerry. Anyways, his immortality. I don't know if Jerry being remembered forever will mean he'll be immortal. I mean, he won't die out if at least one person can remember him, right? Who knows? Maybe if I ever have any children, I could show them my Jerry creations and they could continue my legacy. That would count, right? I mean, this way, Jerry would technically be remembered for another generation.

...Yeah that's pretty much all I have to say about Jerry for now. That's all!

This May Have Been Long Overdue...Three

So, after getting into an argument with somebody I know (not gonna name names), and having a friend ask me a question slightly related just out of curiosity, I felt I needed to vent out my emotions about this. Sorry if it becomes a rant.

I've often referred to myself as a six year old in a 17 year old's body. Now, I'm partly joking when I say that, to kinda roll with the punches when people just straight up tell me, "You're so immature. Grow up." A couple days ago, one of my friends asked me something along the lines of, "Are you ever serious? This isn't a criticism, just a question born of curiosity." because I made a joke about how I was being haunted by an octopus ghost. Now, I'm not gonna lie, I'm really immature, but I can be serious. It's just that always being serious is super boring. I don't have as much fun when I'm the dead serious guy who wants to focus on the topic at hand or just not make any stupid jokes.

Now, is that a bad thing? A lot of people have said yes, and how that they really hope I stop being so immature when I grow older. Not gonna lie, it's one of my coping techniques. When you act immature, people don't really know if they're getting to you. When I was younger, I was bullied incessantly about my weight and it really hurt. Of course, it was true. I was at a weight that was really unhealthy for me, but it didn't make it hurt any less. As I grew older, I started acting more immature, because I've found it's not a terrible way to break the ice with people you don't know. I've terrible at making new friends, so to me, being immature and getting people to laugh was a terrific start.

However, it also kinda sucks to break the ice that way, because the first impression you give people are that you're this weird, annoying, and immature kid. That also hurt to hear from others, but I'm trying to not get hung up over that, and I definitely refuse to cry. It's something that works for me, and when you're immature, it's easier to hide the fact that what people are saying about you really hurts.

Of course, I know I'm immature. Am I ever going to change? Well, it's not like I can't act my age, I choose not to. Yeah, yeah, it's a stupid excuse and all that crap, but whatever, it's my life, I don't care what you think about how I choose to act, or rather, I do care, but I'm not going to let you know that unless it really bothers me.

Now, there are plenty of times I've acted mature, because the situation called for it. But being immature is just part of my personality and stuff. So, maybe it doesn't help my argument that I can be mature when I constantly use emoticons and stuff in almost every single sentence when I'm chatting on Facebook or Gmail. Whatever.

Now, there are also times where I don't think I'm doing something that's immature but people will yell at me saying how I'm just being annoying and immature. Well, I'm sorry that something I do out of habit bothers you. maybe I don't just move my leg up and down when I'm sitting, which would arguably me a lot more quiet. Maybe I'll just make sounds by hitting my cheek because it helps me think. Okay, it might be annoying to you, and I'm sorry about that, but it's a habit. Now, some people would probably say that it's not a good thing that it's a habit, but really? It's not like you people don't have any bad habits, okay? I'm sorry I'm just SO annoying and decide to try (though not very hard) to say stuff I find annoying about you.

Anyways, I'm getting too worked up. I also always hear people say, "Don't say mean things behind people's back. It's not nice." So, being the immature asshole (excuse my language, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm a pretty big jerk) I am, I decide to jokingly say stuff I don't mean to people's face that can come off as being rude. Am I immature doing this? ABSOLUTELY. There's no way I can excuse myself for what I do, even if I say I don't mean it. And for that, I'm sorry, I really am.

Now, I'm not very serious often. When I'm taking tests I'm very serious, probably to the point where I'll be very rude if you distract my train of thought. I've also been serious when the situation has called for it, like when having a small debate or when I'm trying to have a meaningful conversation. It doesn't happen very often, but I am serious then.

So yes, I can be serious. I really don't like it though. Being serious for me is like just having to take tests back to back. It just drains my energy, and I'd like to avoid doing that. Yes, I know, I need to "grow up" and I will. Just not now, not today, not tomorrow, probably not even before the end of the school year. But I will one day.

So I'm sorry for ranting so much, but I've just been holding this in for a little while and apparently from what I've read holding in emotions can really shorten a lifespan and raise chances for cancer and heart disease. I dunno if it's true, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to vent? Or whatever this counts as...

Does this make me look pathetic? I certainly think so, but I don't think it makes me look pitiful. I just think I've explained myself and how I act. Also I don't think that many people read my blog anyways so it's almost like I'm keeping it to myself, which is just great!

I'm not sure if I can say much more, so I'll start ending this post. Yes, I'm immature, annoying, a jerk, offensive, and a lot more. Whatever you say about me, it's probably true. Now, I know I've made plenty of people angry at me and I'll just say it. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you just don't like how I behave and find it insufferable. But that's just how I am. I'm not trying to make myself look mature by apologizing, I'm just saying that if you don't like it, fine. You have two options, accept how I'm immature or not. I'm not making you accept it or even deal with me. Maybe if we ever meet again one day, which I highly doubt, I'll be different. It's not terrible. All you need to do is deal with (or ignore) me until I graduate, and we'll probably never see each other again. It'll be a win-win situation! So, I'm kinda burned out from writing so much for my blog posts so I'm just ending it here.

Seriously.

Don't continue reading.

It's not worth it.

Until next time I'm motivated or something.

Bye.

Jerry is the supreme overlord.

This May Have Been Long Overdue...Two...

Okay so I'm just gonna admit it right now. I'm a terrible older sibling. I don't like showing affection to my sister in public and at home. Maybe it's just because I just don't want to, or rather, don't feel a need to. Maybe it's because I secretly hate her, or maybe I just have to be that sibling...

Okay just putting this out there for those who don't know, and also to annoy her, my sister is Marie Su, who's a junior. Yes, we have different last names. Yes, we don't really look alike. Yes, you probably didn't expect this if you didn't already know. Well whatever. It's not my problem. We're 100% related, same biological parents and everything, so don't ask me, "Are you guys related? Do you have different parents? Is one of you adopted? Did your parents get a divorce before and married other people?" which have been asked before and really annoy me.

Now, to be fair, the only time Marie really shows affection to me is on my birthday and at school where she pretends to love me and then we pretty much argue on the car ride home or just sit in silence, just to part ways and never see each other until the next day when we're getting ready for school. Maybe I'm just bitter because there's been plenty of times I've felt like the unloved test dummy child (please don't let my parents see this...) whose only purpose is to make sure that the second child can be raised as perfectly as possible.

On the other hand, maybe it's because most of the time I talk to Marie, we end up just arguing and hating each other. maybe she still secretly hates the time 10-11 years ago when I wasn't careful and cracked her collarbone (don't ask) or maybe it's because I don't obey her like some dog. I don't know, I really don't.

But I don't (or at least, I don't think) hate Marie. Sure, we don't get along all the time, but most siblings don't...do they? Whatever. I do love my sister though, so don't tell me I don't. I appreciate the times where she does legitimately care about how I'm doing, the times where she's thrown me a surprise birthday party, or the times she's given me a present. I do appreciate these moments, and I treasure them, even if I forget what's specifically happened during these events, I will always do my best to remember that she's done this kind of stuff for me.

Now, some might say that I'm just a really bad older brother (which has been said to me...multiple times), and my response would be, "Yeah. Kinda." because, I don't really give her gifts. I'll help her on her homework when I have time and I'm in the mood to be helpful. I'll wish her a "Happy Birthday" when it's her birthday. I'll want to know what happened if I see that she's injured. I'll do my best to protect her if she's ever in trouble. But I probably will never show all this, or be able to properly convey this.

I'm not going to lie, I'm jealous of her a lot, maybe because I'm the child who usually is doing something wrong and will get in trouble with the parents. I'm the go to person to blame if she says, "Ow" and I'm within a couple feet of her. Is that my fault? Obviously, how is it not my fault that I've built up this reputation with my family? I've fought with Marie. She's the one that has a sharp tongue, I'm the one that just hits everything I don't like.

It's just...I don't know, I doubt I'll ever have like a month, or even a week, where I'll get along with Marie. She'll scold me when I'm eating too much junk food, or just when I'm not listening to her, and I'll just ignore her and continue to do what I'm doing. She's the one that just looks at me with an expression that says, "Does it look like I care?" when I tell her what I find to be "fun facts".

However, I'm also the one that will try to attack anybody that hurts her. Partly because that's my job as the terrible older brother, and partly because she's my sister and I want to make sure she's safe. Now, don't get me wrong. It's not like when she makes me mad I just start beating her up. That would be really messed up. But Marie and I don't get along that often, and I doubt that'll change anytime soon.

Though, this summer, I was able to have an opportunity to know what it's like to live without Marie in the house (my parents were at work) and I have to say, it was awful. Now, I'm kind of a wuss, I don't like being alone, I don't like the dark, I hate being alone, I get really afraid when I hear thunder, I'm terrified of all insects to the point where I'll be relieved when I see them killed, and I hate being alone. However, I also hate traveling, and so Marie went on the trip to Italy while I stayed at home...all alone...And I was miserable. Marie is one of the constants in my life, always there, even if I really don't want her to be. She'll come into my room when she feels like it to do something like use my bathroom mirror to take a selfie while she's doing vertical splits or something. Still, I realized that I've become so used to her that I really did miss her when she was gone. And this had nothing to do with the fact that it was raining heavily a lot of the time and that I kept hearing random cracking noises in the house and freaking out, really!

Needless to say, when Marie came home, I was so excited. For the first hour. Then I remembered how much I dislike her when she's her sarcastic self to me and how she makes fun of me a lot. Still, I'll always hold on to the memories of the good times we've had together thinking, "Man, will she ever stop being so annoying?"

There's 3/4 of my stuff done, and this is getting longer than I planned to so, ON TO ANOTHER BLOG POST. Feel free to read this and comment, or don't. It's your choice, and I can't really make you do anything you don't want to.

This May Have Been Long Overdue...

Just going to put this out there, I don't know at this point, but this will probably cover 3-4 different things that I've been thinking of, or I might split it into multiple posts, not sure yet. Some I've been thinking of for a week, some just popped into my head while I was reading other people's blog post(s).

So, to start out, I've always been curious about death. Now, it is one of my biggest fears, but I also really want to know what it's like to experience death, from a scientific standpoint (not really, I'm just super curious). I mean, I like to imagine it's kinda like when we sleep, just almost floating/experiencing nothing, other than darkness (assuming you're not dreaming). I've never been dead, so I can't really say what's on the other side. Maybe there really is a Heaven, Purgatory, and Hell. Maybe there isn't. Maybe we're just all dreaming in our everyday lives and we wake up when we die.

Now, one of the main things about how death is portrayed has made me wonder, is that what dying really is like? The dramatic movie (or book) death where the character is slowly losing their strength and consciousness, watching everybody around them as their eyes slowly close. Now, I'm going to just say it, even though it may seem unpopular. That seems like a "great" death, assuming the people around are people who care about you. Dying with people who actually care about you would be really nice, because the last thing you'd see would be faces you're familiar with. I'm not gonna lie, when I die, I really hope it's like that, but I doubt it because that's probably way too idealistic. Though however, I die, I just don't want it to be too painful.

But enough of that gloomy stuff! I don't like being too depressing because it's just not a nice thing to feel sad. Now, I'm just curious because death is just unknown. I'm probably going to be repeating myself a lot, but it's because I just really want to get my point(s) across. Like most people, I am just absolutely terrified of death, because everything about it is unknown! But that's also why I'm just so curious about it. Will it be absolutely awesome? Will it suck? Will it just be boring like everyday life? Maybe we'll get put in our personal paradise, or maybe it will be a vast nothingness.

Anyways, that's just my mind when it comes to death. I've also made up my mind, I'm sticking with a mega post, or at least I hope it might possibly look like a mega post...ON TO THE NEXT TOPIC!

So, I'm a person who really doesn't like to experience new things, and while I know it's not really great, I can't care enough to change. I really like the saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." because it works! Why should I try something new that I could completely hate and regret doing when I already have stuff that I like right in front of me?

Why should I try one of the "classics" as opposed to my lovely (and occasionally poorly written) fanfiction? I mean, reading actual amazing writing that's been poofread by editors is so overrated!

Why should I try to make myself try new things when there are great old things here? I don't want to end up wasting my time and finding out that it could've been better spent doing nothing of any real significance!

Why should I try new foods? What if it turns out that I'm highly allergic and I need to go to the hospital? I mean, that would really suck because I don't want to go to the hospital...It's sooo clean and quiet and boring and smells of the fear of children and various adults!

Now, maybe I'm just being really immature about this, but so what? My life, not yours, so in the end, I'm the one that decides how I live it! So HA!

...Yeah, I'm a hypocrite...Like, big time. I've tried to make myself do a lot of stupid things, like slowly learning various parts to a song to hopefully do an acapella with some friends. I've made myself try new foods because I realize it would be healthier for me. I've made myself try living without sweets because it wouldn't kill me to do so. In the end, I'm just a normal human who says one thing and does the other. So sue me. Actually, don't because that would be really stupid and I don't think you would win that lawsuit...

So anyways, I've changed my mind, I'm going to be writing another blog post the second I publish this one, so look forward to another one! Or don't, not my problem if you hate my guts and my writing and my blog posts and everything I do. I don't have to care, because it's your opinions and either way I can't do anything to really change that. Here's hoping my other one doesn't take forever to write!

Oh This is Scary

Before I start, I'm going to just put this out there: what I'm about to talk about matters a lot to me and bothers me a lot. Still, I feel like I might as well put this out there because I'm hoping at least one person can relate to this.

This all started when I was thinking about how my eye was being a bit strange today, probably because of how much time I spent on the computer yesterday, which is just completely my fault. I started wearing glasses in the first grade and, back then, I was the only person I knew who needed glasses that early. Now I hear about children that aren't even 10 needing glasses, and it does bother me because every time, I wonder if they're going to end up blind.

I'll just put this out there right now for people who don't know, being blind isn't that image you see of people with sticks to check where they're going, or those people that need dogs to guide them. It just means that your vision is so bad that no amount of corrective lenses, no matter their prescription (for those that don't have glasses/contacts, think about it as how thick the glass needs to be on the glasses) can correct your vision to 20/20. Now, I'm not at that point, and I hope I never will be.

There are people whose vision isn't so bad that they need to wear glasses or contacts all the time. Usually a lot of people who first get glasses are like that. I wasn't. From the very beginning in first grade, I was told that I'd always need to wear glasses or contacts. I hated it. I was afraid I would be made fun of, or that I would look like a freak. That wasn't the case, but it was still pretty bad for me. My parents told me at first to just take off my glasses and leave them in the classroom when I had recess or P.E., but when I did that, everything was blurry to me. Even squinting did almost nothing for me. One day I forgot to take them off and when I went to recess, everything was crystal clear to me. Now, since I was only about 6 years old, I didn't understand that wasn't exactly a great thing, but from then on, I always wore my glasses.

As I grew older, my vision kept getting worse. To this day, I have yet to meet a person around my age whose vision is worse than mine. Currently, my prescription for my contacts lenses are 8.5 (right eye) and 7.5 (left eye). Now, to a lot of people, that might not mean anything, so I'll give an example of what it's like to not have my contacts in or my glasses on. I did an experiment the other day to see just how far I can see clearly or semi-clearly without any corrective lenses. I held out two fingers, and slowly backed them away from my face. When my hand was an arm's length away, I was sure that I wouldn't be able to tell that my hand was holding up 2 fingers. Imagine that, not being able to see clearly if an object is farther than an arm's length away.

When I was younger, my dad would joke with me about how I inherited my bad vision from him. However, once I was told how bad my vision was this past summer, my dad told me that I needed to do my best to protect my eyes. His vision is bad, but at my age, his vision wasn't nearly as bad as mine. He then warned me that if my vision kept worsening, it could lead to retinal detachment.

Retinal detachment is exactly what it sounds like, your retina will peel away from the support tissue under it. If it's left untreated, it will lead to blindness. The kind where people wear sunglasses and have something to check their path for obstacles. The worst part? You need to treat retinal detachment within 72 hours or the damage will be permanent. The best part for me? Retinal detachment can be caused by extreme nearsightedness. Lucky me.

Now, those who know me and talk to me on a daily basis know that I do joke about how bad my vision is. I'll laugh and cheer that nobody can 'match' my vision, but really, I feel really insecure about my vision. The worst part is that I can't really just never use a computer or phone ever again, because they're important parts of my life. I write a lot of papers on my computer, and I stay connected with my friends on the computer. I can even ask my friends for help using my computer or phone.

Now, I'm not saying that one day if we meet up years from now I'm not going to be able to see you. I know a few adults with vision much worse than mine, and they can still see. That does help with my fears. When I was younger and was told I was going blind, I panicked because I thought that meant I wouldn't be able to see anything ever again. I was so relieved when I was told that going blind didn't mean that. However, as long as my vision stays bad (and it will, since there's no way for your eyes to get better), there's always the chance that, because I'm at a higher risk for retinal detachment, it might happen some day.

So that's one of my biggest fears in life. Arguably my biggest fear. Some might be surprised that it's not dying, but that's a story for another blog post. I'm just so afraid of losing one of the my five senses while I'm alive. I mean, yeah, when you die, you lose all five, but I can't even imagine not being able to live with all five of my senses. I mean, come on! I only get five to begin with, and it's possible to lose all five! So not cool! Anyways, I feel I've rambled enough to get out my feelings. Until next time!

...which could be anywhere from a few days to a week and a half...

You Can Do Whatever You Want

I'm not going to lie. I'm extremely uncomfortable when I'm told that I can do whatever I want when I grow up or how I can decide to write about anything. Whenever I hear somebody tell me that, I get really nervous because I'm a very indecisive person. As a result, I don't like having too much freedom because I won't be able to make up my mind. It's almost painful for me when I have to think of something to write about, including this blog post. I normally have to spend anywhere between 5 minutes to an hour to think of something meaningful to write about.

Again I'll go back to when I was thinking about writing for Jerry. At first, I felt that I had just created the most simplistic character I could think of and, in a way, that was true. I started with a simple character, one that would be easy to write about. However, as I continued writing about Jerry I tried to make him a bit more complex, or at the very least, I tried to not use the simplest ideas I could come up with.

Now I'm working on thinking of anything really meaningful I can write about for either a blog or an essay, and I'm honestly blanking on everything. I could talk about how I do enjoy some freedom, but it depends on the situation. I don't want too much freedom for something like an essay because, as I've already stated, I'll have an extremely hard time thinking of something to write about. However, for a creative writing assignment, I would like a tiny bit of freedom (I might be contradicting what I said earlier, and if so, sorry!). Then in the case of having homework to do, I would want complete freedom in deciding what homework I should work on first.

I guess my point (if I even have a point) is that I do enjoy being able to make my own choices, but whenever it comes to writing about something, I would like it if I had some choices of what I could write about given to me. Maybe one day I'll be able to decide on something without taking a long amount of time, but as of now, I doubt it will ever happen.