Okay so I'm just gonna admit it right now. I'm a terrible older sibling. I don't like showing affection to my sister in public and at home. Maybe it's just because I just don't want to, or rather, don't feel a need to. Maybe it's because I secretly hate her, or maybe I just have to be that sibling...
Okay just putting this out there for those who don't know, and also to annoy her, my sister is Marie Su, who's a junior. Yes, we have different last names. Yes, we don't really look alike. Yes, you probably didn't expect this if you didn't already know. Well whatever. It's not my problem. We're 100% related, same biological parents and everything, so don't ask me, "Are you guys related? Do you have different parents? Is one of you adopted? Did your parents get a divorce before and married other people?" which have been asked before and really annoy me.
Now, to be fair, the only time Marie really shows affection to me is on my birthday and at school where she pretends to love me and then we pretty much argue on the car ride home or just sit in silence, just to part ways and never see each other until the next day when we're getting ready for school. Maybe I'm just bitter because there's been plenty of times I've felt like the unloved test dummy child (please don't let my parents see this...) whose only purpose is to make sure that the second child can be raised as perfectly as possible.
On the other hand, maybe it's because most of the time I talk to Marie, we end up just arguing and hating each other. maybe she still secretly hates the time 10-11 years ago when I wasn't careful and cracked her collarbone (don't ask) or maybe it's because I don't obey her like some dog. I don't know, I really don't.
But I don't (or at least, I don't think) hate Marie. Sure, we don't get along all the time, but most siblings don't...do they? Whatever. I do love my sister though, so don't tell me I don't. I appreciate the times where she does legitimately care about how I'm doing, the times where she's thrown me a surprise birthday party, or the times she's given me a present. I do appreciate these moments, and I treasure them, even if I forget what's specifically happened during these events, I will always do my best to remember that she's done this kind of stuff for me.
Now, some might say that I'm just a really bad older brother (which has been said to me...multiple times), and my response would be, "Yeah. Kinda." because, I don't really give her gifts. I'll help her on her homework when I have time and I'm in the mood to be helpful. I'll wish her a "Happy Birthday" when it's her birthday. I'll want to know what happened if I see that she's injured. I'll do my best to protect her if she's ever in trouble. But I probably will never show all this, or be able to properly convey this.
I'm not going to lie, I'm jealous of her a lot, maybe because I'm the child who usually is doing something wrong and will get in trouble with the parents. I'm the go to person to blame if she says, "Ow" and I'm within a couple feet of her. Is that my fault? Obviously, how is it not my fault that I've built up this reputation with my family? I've fought with Marie. She's the one that has a sharp tongue, I'm the one that just hits everything I don't like.
It's just...I don't know, I doubt I'll ever have like a month, or even a week, where I'll get along with Marie. She'll scold me when I'm eating too much junk food, or just when I'm not listening to her, and I'll just ignore her and continue to do what I'm doing. She's the one that just looks at me with an expression that says, "Does it look like I care?" when I tell her what I find to be "fun facts".
However, I'm also the one that will try to attack anybody that hurts her. Partly because that's my job as the terrible older brother, and partly because she's my sister and I want to make sure she's safe. Now, don't get me wrong. It's not like when she makes me mad I just start beating her up. That would be really messed up. But Marie and I don't get along that often, and I doubt that'll change anytime soon.
Though, this summer, I was able to have an opportunity to know what it's like to live without Marie in the house (my parents were at work) and I have to say, it was awful. Now, I'm kind of a wuss, I don't like being alone, I don't like the dark, I hate being alone, I get really afraid when I hear thunder, I'm terrified of all insects to the point where I'll be relieved when I see them killed, and I hate being alone. However, I also hate traveling, and so Marie went on the trip to Italy while I stayed at home...all alone...And I was miserable. Marie is one of the constants in my life, always there, even if I really don't want her to be. She'll come into my room when she feels like it to do something like use my bathroom mirror to take a selfie while she's doing vertical splits or something. Still, I realized that I've become so used to her that I really did miss her when she was gone. And this had nothing to do with the fact that it was raining heavily a lot of the time and that I kept hearing random cracking noises in the house and freaking out, really!
Needless to say, when Marie came home, I was so excited. For the first hour. Then I remembered how much I dislike her when she's her sarcastic self to me and how she makes fun of me a lot. Still, I'll always hold on to the memories of the good times we've had together thinking, "Man, will she ever stop being so annoying?"
There's 3/4 of my stuff done, and this is getting longer than I planned to so, ON TO ANOTHER BLOG POST. Feel free to read this and comment, or don't. It's your choice, and I can't really make you do anything you don't want to.
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