This May Have Been Long Overdue...Three

So, after getting into an argument with somebody I know (not gonna name names), and having a friend ask me a question slightly related just out of curiosity, I felt I needed to vent out my emotions about this. Sorry if it becomes a rant.

I've often referred to myself as a six year old in a 17 year old's body. Now, I'm partly joking when I say that, to kinda roll with the punches when people just straight up tell me, "You're so immature. Grow up." A couple days ago, one of my friends asked me something along the lines of, "Are you ever serious? This isn't a criticism, just a question born of curiosity." because I made a joke about how I was being haunted by an octopus ghost. Now, I'm not gonna lie, I'm really immature, but I can be serious. It's just that always being serious is super boring. I don't have as much fun when I'm the dead serious guy who wants to focus on the topic at hand or just not make any stupid jokes.

Now, is that a bad thing? A lot of people have said yes, and how that they really hope I stop being so immature when I grow older. Not gonna lie, it's one of my coping techniques. When you act immature, people don't really know if they're getting to you. When I was younger, I was bullied incessantly about my weight and it really hurt. Of course, it was true. I was at a weight that was really unhealthy for me, but it didn't make it hurt any less. As I grew older, I started acting more immature, because I've found it's not a terrible way to break the ice with people you don't know. I've terrible at making new friends, so to me, being immature and getting people to laugh was a terrific start.

However, it also kinda sucks to break the ice that way, because the first impression you give people are that you're this weird, annoying, and immature kid. That also hurt to hear from others, but I'm trying to not get hung up over that, and I definitely refuse to cry. It's something that works for me, and when you're immature, it's easier to hide the fact that what people are saying about you really hurts.

Of course, I know I'm immature. Am I ever going to change? Well, it's not like I can't act my age, I choose not to. Yeah, yeah, it's a stupid excuse and all that crap, but whatever, it's my life, I don't care what you think about how I choose to act, or rather, I do care, but I'm not going to let you know that unless it really bothers me.

Now, there are plenty of times I've acted mature, because the situation called for it. But being immature is just part of my personality and stuff. So, maybe it doesn't help my argument that I can be mature when I constantly use emoticons and stuff in almost every single sentence when I'm chatting on Facebook or Gmail. Whatever.

Now, there are also times where I don't think I'm doing something that's immature but people will yell at me saying how I'm just being annoying and immature. Well, I'm sorry that something I do out of habit bothers you. maybe I don't just move my leg up and down when I'm sitting, which would arguably me a lot more quiet. Maybe I'll just make sounds by hitting my cheek because it helps me think. Okay, it might be annoying to you, and I'm sorry about that, but it's a habit. Now, some people would probably say that it's not a good thing that it's a habit, but really? It's not like you people don't have any bad habits, okay? I'm sorry I'm just SO annoying and decide to try (though not very hard) to say stuff I find annoying about you.

Anyways, I'm getting too worked up. I also always hear people say, "Don't say mean things behind people's back. It's not nice." So, being the immature asshole (excuse my language, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm a pretty big jerk) I am, I decide to jokingly say stuff I don't mean to people's face that can come off as being rude. Am I immature doing this? ABSOLUTELY. There's no way I can excuse myself for what I do, even if I say I don't mean it. And for that, I'm sorry, I really am.

Now, I'm not very serious often. When I'm taking tests I'm very serious, probably to the point where I'll be very rude if you distract my train of thought. I've also been serious when the situation has called for it, like when having a small debate or when I'm trying to have a meaningful conversation. It doesn't happen very often, but I am serious then.

So yes, I can be serious. I really don't like it though. Being serious for me is like just having to take tests back to back. It just drains my energy, and I'd like to avoid doing that. Yes, I know, I need to "grow up" and I will. Just not now, not today, not tomorrow, probably not even before the end of the school year. But I will one day.

So I'm sorry for ranting so much, but I've just been holding this in for a little while and apparently from what I've read holding in emotions can really shorten a lifespan and raise chances for cancer and heart disease. I dunno if it's true, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to vent? Or whatever this counts as...

Does this make me look pathetic? I certainly think so, but I don't think it makes me look pitiful. I just think I've explained myself and how I act. Also I don't think that many people read my blog anyways so it's almost like I'm keeping it to myself, which is just great!

I'm not sure if I can say much more, so I'll start ending this post. Yes, I'm immature, annoying, a jerk, offensive, and a lot more. Whatever you say about me, it's probably true. Now, I know I've made plenty of people angry at me and I'll just say it. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you just don't like how I behave and find it insufferable. But that's just how I am. I'm not trying to make myself look mature by apologizing, I'm just saying that if you don't like it, fine. You have two options, accept how I'm immature or not. I'm not making you accept it or even deal with me. Maybe if we ever meet again one day, which I highly doubt, I'll be different. It's not terrible. All you need to do is deal with (or ignore) me until I graduate, and we'll probably never see each other again. It'll be a win-win situation! So, I'm kinda burned out from writing so much for my blog posts so I'm just ending it here.

Seriously.

Don't continue reading.

It's not worth it.

Until next time I'm motivated or something.

Bye.

Jerry is the supreme overlord.